Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
