One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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