why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
