There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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