i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
