also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
