Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
