I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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