Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
