God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
