I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
