Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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