take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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