I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
