He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
