i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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