nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
