just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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