Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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