holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every concussion has its silver lining
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
