I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
