I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
