I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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