Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
