ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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