You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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