She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
