i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
