I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
