One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
