If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
