It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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