You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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