Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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