I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
