Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
