After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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