she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
