I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
