Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
