I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
