i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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