i just had sex bonerless
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
