just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
