On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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