he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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