I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
