M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
