Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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