Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
