how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
