I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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