just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Randomize
