I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nutella sex= disaster
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
