They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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